Teen Checkup | Internet Safety

Guest Post: Rampant Teen Harassment, Cyber Bullying

By Jennie Withers Author of Hey, Get a Job! A Teen Guide for Getting and Keeping a Job

As the school year comes to an end and hormones are raging, school administration and classroom teachers are dealing with a huge number of harassment incidents. It is usually a complete surprise to the student sitting in the office in trouble for harassment that they are there. Also equally troubling is the harassment happening through cyber bullying and sexting (sending sexual messages or pictures through cell phone). Teens tend to be slightly egotistical and have a hard time believing that not everyone likes what they are doing whether it is at school or elsewhere. Please help your kids understand what harassment is and when it’s time to stop their behaviors, or stop being a victim and turn someone in.

Defining Harassment -

An incident of offensive comments or conduct involving unwelcome remarks, jokes or slurs, or other verbal, physical or electronic (cell phone, internet) conduct, which is known or should reasonably be known to be unwelcome.

Examples of Harassing Behaviors :

Touching (that includes hitting), verbal comments (teasing, put downs, etc.), name calling, spreading sexual rumors, leers and stares, sexual or “dirty” jokes, cartoons, pictures, and pornography, using the computer or cell phone to leave sexual messages (including forwarding offensive jokes or pictures), gestures with the hands and body, pressure for sexual activity, cornering, blocking, standing too close, conversations that are too personal, “rating” an individual, obscene t-shirts, hats, pins, sexual assault and attempting sexual assault, massaging the neck or shoulders, touching oneself sexually in front of others, graffiti, making kissing sounds or licking lips suggestively, howling, catcalls, whistles, repeatedly asking someone out, pulling down someone’s pants, public displays of affection, using derogatory terms such as ‘gay’ or ‘Jewish’ etc.

These are things that most adults know, but kids don’t, not really. It’s worth a discussion at the dinner table.

Jennie Withers is an educator, author, and contributing writer at Teen Checkup.

From around the ’sphere: Teen Suicides Stimulated by Harassment and Bullying; Students … - Teen Suicides Stimulated by Harassment and Bullying; Students Unprotected. Textual Harassment: “Sexting” and Teen Sexuality - When I was a preadolescent boy, I had a “relationship” with a neighborhood girl of the same age. We would ride bikes together, play Clue, talk about UFOs, build elaborate houses out of blocks, argue passionately about forgettable things … Mother Whose Online Harassment of Teen Lead to Teen’s Suicide May … - Lori Drew, the woman who was the adult involved in the cyber harassment and cyber bullying of Missouri teen Megan Meier, which ultimately led to Megan hanging herself in November, is the subject of a Grand Jury investigation which has … Culture and Sexual Harassment: Teen Girls’ Perspectives - Working with teen girls in a low-income urban area, I’m often surprised by their reactions to what I perceive as sexual harassment. While I bristle at the way their male peers interact with them and initiate contact, the young women I …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: Cyber-bullying, sexting, teen harassment. harassing behaviors

Guest Post: Keep Your Teen Busy This Summer

By Jennie Withers Author of Hey, Get a Job! A Teen Guide for Getting and Keeping a Job

 

What if your teen doesn’t qualify for the summer jobs program offered by the Department of Labor?  What if there seems to be no jobs for teens in your area?  There are some other options for them to get needed work experience.

Be your own boss.  Has your teen considered starting their own business?  One thing teens have going for them is they are cheap labor.  Mowing lawns, babysitting, dog walking, cleaning, etc. are excellent ideas for teens.  Make a pamphlet advertising their business and describing their qualifications.  Distribute it around your neighborhood. Your teenager may be the perfect solution for your neighbors who are looking to save money on services.If your teen decides to start something on their own, make sure they know they are not going to escape the job process – they still have to sell themselves.  Make sure they put an address and phone number on the advertisement so that prospective clients may call and interview them.  Your teen needs to be prepared for that interview. 

Consider volunteering.  In a down economy where jobs are scarce, and your teen doesn’t need the money, volunteering can be a great way to gain work experience.  Some possibilities for teen volunteer work are at:  hospitals, animal shelters, zoos, libraries, nursing homes, children’s programs and any organization with non-profit status.  They will have to apply and interview for volunteer positions because like employers, organizers don’t want to waste time on someone who won’t work out. Volunteer work looks very good on applications for employment, college admissions and college scholarships.  The money that is sacrificed now will be worth it in the future.  You can’t put a price on work experience, getting into a desired college or being awarded a scholarship.  Besides that, volunteering makes us FEEL AWESOME!

There are options for teens, especially if you and your teen get a little creative.  Our economy may give a teenager the opportunity to learn about ingenuity or the power of selflessness.

From around the ’sphere:  Marketplace Today Blog - Teen summer employment may drop below 1 … - “Even one-time teen job havens, such as pool lifeguard and camp counselor, are seeing cutbacks. States and municipalities that were likely to hire summer interns have now cut their budgets in light of falling tax revenue. … The Teen Summer Job Market - Motherlode Blog - NYTimes.com - Ironically enough, my teen does have a summer job, which she actually got last fall, at our local library…she can also come back to it, when she returns from college each summer. She found this job posted at her high school’s office( … Teen Readers: Looking for a Summer job? - Looking for a Summer job? Then check out GrooveJob.com. On GrooveJob.com you’ll find the listings for the places accepting applications for part-time jobs in Gardendale and beyond! Don’t see something today? … Summers Jobs and Your Teen - Help them be successful!~ - The … - Whatever you don’t, Do NOT let your teen sit around all summer and play computer games. Your number one job as a parent is to teach them to be a responsible human being. Empower them now and they won’t have to move in later! Enjoy… …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: department of labor, summer jobs, teen volunteer, volunteer jobs

Guest Post: Competition Grows For Teen Jobs

By Jennie Withers Author of Hey, Get a Job! A Teen Guide for Getting and Keeping a Job

Teens used to get jobs easily.  They had room for error in the application and employment process.  Those days are over.  Adolescents can’t do a so-so job on an application, wing an interview and be a semi-dependable employee any longer. 

Competition for jobs will be stiff, but the necessity for a teen to work hasn’t gone away.  Parents have less spendable income, college scholarship money is drying up, and expenses continue to rise.  Today’s teenager needs that job more than ever.  Their employment is about more than just work experience.  They are contributing to the well being of their families and investing in their futures.

Business owners, managers and citizens are looking to save money any way they can.  Therefore, there are jobs for teenagers.  After all, the one thing adolescents have going for them is they are cheap labor.  Some states realize the need for young people to be employed and are using stimulus money to create jobs for teens.  It is going to be tougher for teenagers to find employment, but there is still a need for them to be part of our economy.  

Today’s teen is going to require a great deal of help to find, get and keep employment.  I’ve worked with teens as a teacher long enough (14 years) to know many of them are ill prepared to get and keep a job.  Therefore, the type of information parents and teachers provide is very valuable to them. 

In order for a teen to be successful in this job market, there is a list of concepts that I teach my students:  where to look for openings, starting a business of their own, filling out applications properly, resumes, interviewing, hire packets, workplace expectations, how to work and still have a social life and academic success, and ideas for dealing with money.

Yes, our economy is bad and yes, it will affect teens’ ability to get a job.  However, it is not impossible.  Teachers and parents have a unique opportunity, maybe even a responsibility, to help our teenagers navigate through rough times.  We should view a recession as an opportunity to teach our kids some valuable life lessons. 

From around the ’sphere:  The LinkedIn Blog » Blog Archive Teen Job Search Tips « - The corporate blog of LinkedIn, the world’s largest professional networking site. Article Announcement Blog: Teen Jobs - 5 Unique Ways to Make Money … - Teen Jobs - 5 Unique Ways to Make Money For Teens Teen jobs are sometimes hard to come by. Here’s 5 unique ways to make money for teens…averaging $10 bucks an hour…starting tomorrow! Posted by Mike Lisnewski at 11:00 AM … Teenagers at Work: How Part-Time Jobs Affect School Performance - Many parents believe part-time jobs increase a teen’s sense of responsibility and ease the transition to the adult workplace. Some experts agree. Still, following a few basic rules will reduce the risks: … Summer Jobs for teens - We conducted surveys and these are the results of what you wanted most in a teen job board . This is both from the employers and candidates’ perspective. You said- Make it easy to purchase.- We have done that, it is simple to purchase …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: jobs for teenagers, teen jobs, teen to work

Guest Post: Are We Damaging Our Children Through Our Own Fears?

by Sarah Newton - New Thinking for a New Generation; Connect, Engage and Mobilize Today’s Youth

I was on a radio show the other day and I was taken aback by the negative questions I was asked about social networking and the damaging effect of Facebook. Even though Facebook is not my favorite tool, I found myself sticking up for the site and all the great things it can do. It then hit me like a brick; as parents we fear what we do not understand. I LOVE social networking and all it can do and therefore, I have no fears when it comes to my children on the Internet. However, I realize that I am somewhat an exception.  

It appears that moral panic has struck around social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Personally, I think it is the age old adult trait of if you don’t understand it, slam it! Maybe if we do this enough, the youth will get it! And here is the thing, it is here to stay and we had better get use to it. We will never change anything by condemnation. 

Here are just a few of the recent items I have found:

“Pupils who spend time on Facebook do worse in exams, study shows.” Surely pupils who do anything other than study 24/7 do worse than those who are glued to their books constantly!

And then the next most recent one, “Facebook and Twitter fuel an epidemic of online bullying!” Do they really? Would bullying not exist if these sites were not available? I think not!

And then, just as you get them off the computer for fear of who knows what, you sit them in front of the TV and, low and behold ,“action-packed TV shows cut pupil’s attention spans.” Experts say, “Ban TVs from children’s bedrooms”.

What is a parent to do? First, get a balanced viewpoint and ask your child what they think about these sensational headlines. Second, decide what your values are as a family and how these things fit into your family life. And third, don’t believe the hype!

For the most part, young people are very sensible on the Internet and most of their social networks are made up of people they know.  All they are doing is chatting and swapping photos and videos that they like and find funny. Yes there is bullying, yes there are people who take advantage – just like in real life. Why would the Internet be any different? However, your children are far more sensible than you think and a well-adjusted teenager with a wide social circle outside the Internet should not encounter any problems. Mostly, they are just repeating the conversation they were having at school, nothing more.

So, my advice?

Get them to teach you and show you how to use the technology they are using.

And just so you know, texting is still their preferred method of communicating. 

Sarah Newton is an author, Gen Y expert, and contributing writer at Teen Checkup.

Get the latest teen tips at her blog.

Stalk Sarah on Twitter http://theteencoachblog.com/twitter

Fan Sarah on Facebook http://theteencoachblog.com/facebook

Don’t forget to listen in live to the Gen Y Guide radio show on Blog Talk Radio!

From around the ’sphere: How Safe is Social Networking? - Discover Moose Jaw | New Media Mania - How Safe is Social Networking?Discover Moose Jaw, CanadaText messaging, sex-ting, and social network sites. All of them will be up for discussion at a Technology Safety Seminar at Vanier Collegiate tonight. The information presented is … Tweeting, blogging and social networking (The Deal Magazine) - To obtain the benefit of the safe harbor from securities law liability afforded by the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995, the forward-looking statement must be identified as such and meaningful cautionary language must … Disclosure of important corporate information that could reasonably be expected to affect the market for the issuer’s stock via an issuer’s Web site, blog, social networking profile or tweet may not meet the rules of an exchange as they … Social Network for Teachers, Pastors, and Kids | In My Cocoon - Kidswirl was born out of a desire to create a 100 percent safe social networking site for Families. Our goal will always be to keep parents comfortable and kids safe, while at the same time offering an ultra-creative platform where kids … Social Networking Exposed - A few things you might want to do to keep it safe are;. Do not include your cell phone number or home address on you social networking site. Do not indicate your health status on your profile. Many people have been sabotaged by …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: children on the internet, Facebook, Social Networking, twitter

Guest Post: Experts say, “Ban TVs from children’s bedrooms”

by Sarah Newton - New Thinking for a New Generation; Connect, Engage and Mobilize Today’s Youth

The latest bee in the bonnet of UK people is, yet again, the guilt-laden message to ban TV from children’s bedrooms. I read these reports with horror and, in my mind, I imagine a nation of parents beating themselves up over this. 

While I think that there is not a parent who would not look back, wishing they had not put that TV in their bedroom, I do think we are missing the point. How can we blame an inanimate object for causing family breakdown?
 
It is not the TV, it is our attitudes that are causing these breakdowns. It is our busy lives, the overworked parents and our ever-increasing materialism that is really causing the problem. When we make TV more important than people, then that is when we have a problem.
 
When I was filming my TV show, every house that I went into, no matter how deprived or otherwise, had one thing in common; an absolutely massive TV. State-of-the-art TVs, while their children were sleeping on mattresses on the floor. Are we just getting too lazy and too self-absorbed as parents that we care more about our entertainment centres then we do our children?
 
I think it is more a questions of values then the TV. What I urge every family to do now is sit down and ask some difficult questions,
 
1.    What do we value as a family and how does our home environment show we value those things?
2.    What do we want to teach our children and how does our environment give that message to our children?
3.    What may we need to change?
 
It is not about the TV, it is about the message we are giving our children. Children will only follow our lead, and if TV is big in our lives then it will be big in theirs. If we watch it when we are bored then so will they; if we use it to escape from reality then so will they.
 
I love TV and always have. I learn, get different opinions, use it to relax and use it to imagine my other life, the one where I became a criminal profiler, and I would NEVER get rid of my TV. Do my children have a TV in their room? – yes, they do. Do we sometimes watch TV whilst eating dinner? – yes, we do. However, the TV in my house is small and is on for maybe no more than 2 hours a day and goes off when anyone is around or we if we are having conversations. The girls switch their TV on for maybe an hour a day and use it to unwind after school. TV to us is not an issue, it is a form of entertainment and not a way of life. And the big plus for me is the conversations it can open up by watching America’s Next Top Model (yes, I am a living fan). My daughters and I have had amazing conversations about eating disorders, mean girls, being away from home, drugs and a host of other things, conversations that may not have otherwise started.
 
So please, stop criticising the TV. I am getting quite annoyed with academics telling us how to parent. I mean, have they really tried to remove a TV from a 15-year-old’s bedroom? And parents, you don’t have to feel guilty about having a TV, just keep it in check and make sure it is a supplement to other things you do together as a family, not the sole source of entertainment.

Sarah Newton is an author, Gen Y expert, and contributing writer at Teen Checkup.

Get the latest teen tips at her blog.

Stalk Sarah on Twitter http://theteencoachblog.com/twitter

Fan Sarah on Facebook http://theteencoachblog.com/facebook

Don’t forget to listen in live to the Gen Y Guide radio show on Blog Talk Radio!

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: children tv, family tv, family values, tv in the bedroom, tv viewing

Guest Post: Video Games - A Learning Tool or Mindless Fun?

by Sarah Newton - New Thinking for a New Generation; Connect, Engage and Mobilize Today’s Youth

I have to admit that a year ago I was of the opinion that video games served no purpose other than to occupy the bored minds of teenagers; I was totally against anything relating to video games.  However not one to stay stuck in my ideas and always willing to learn, I went in search of an expert to see if my mind could be changed. I felt my ideas about gaming were founded (like many parents) on shaky ground and media moral panic, and I wanted the truth.

I found, in my travels, an author and ex-teacher who had received awards for her work with disaffected teenagers and the use of video games in the classroom. She seemed a perfect teacher, so I interviewed her on my Radio Show and she did change my mind. This then led to me asking one of my teen writers to discuss this on my blog and the post that ensued got many comments, to say the least.  In fact, I became so passionate about bridging the parent/teen gap when it came to gaming that I included a question on this topic in my newly-released teen conversation cards. 

My conclusion was that video games can teach teenagers very important social and cognitive skills, they can be fun for the whole family and they provide a welcome stress relief for many young people. Age-appropriate video games enable children to develop cognitively and use critical thinking skills, particularly the strategy type games. Involvement in these things as a family can be fun.  In most video games, children get rewarded for good memory and many of them increase memory retention.

Saying that though, there are also some big warnings here too. Parents must show due diligence; there must be parental involvement and the boundaries must be clear from the start. 

From what I have learned in all my many years and coaching hours is that parents make some fatal errors. For instance:

• 1. They do not acknowledge or even consider sometimes the age limits on games (I mean, do you even know the age limits?) 
• 2. They have no idea what their child is doing and as long as they are quiet, then that is fine . . . .and all the experts warn that we cannot and must not use these items as baby sitters. 
• 3. They do not talk to their children before giving these items and set no clear boundaries. 
• 4. There is no family involvement and most often, teenagers are doing these things alone in their bedroom.

So here are some tips …

• 1. Read the age limits on games and do not buy a game that is not age-appropriate. 
• 2. Keep the computer or gaming console in a family area and do not allow your child to use it in their bedroom if at all possible. 
• 3. You must set clear boundaries with your child before you allow the use of these items. You must be honest and open with them.
• 4. Make these things a family event and get involved. Have your child/teenager show you what they are doing and train you. Take an interest with the games and ask them to show you how to play. Get games where you can play as a team and form your own family clan.

And if you have already made all the mistakes, no fear, you can pull it back.

When your child is playing a game, ask if it is OK if you can sit with them and learn. Ask them how to teach you what they are doing. Be interested in the game, say that you would love to understand and ask that, when they are at an appropriate place, they stop and show you how it works. Don’t judge what you are seeing, just sit by them and be curious. If you are concerned about the amount of time them are playing, be honest and open about your fears and have a conversation. Just be open and curious and don’t do anything radical. Suddenly removing a game console that has been in your child’s bedroom for years is not going to be a good move.

However, what struck me in researching and finding out this information was that the missing piece in many households is The Adult Component and to be a success in this area you MUST have that, so as the Parent you must put your thoughts, judgements and fears to one side and just get involved.

Sarah Newton is an author, Gen Y expert, and contributing writer at Teen Checkup.

Get the latest teen tips at her blog.

Stalk Sarah on Twitter http://theteencoachblog.com/twitter

Fan Sarah on Facebook http://theteencoachblog.com/facebook

Don’t forget to listen in live to the Gen Y Guide radio show on Blog Talk Radio!

From around the ’sphere: Teens and Video Games - video game controller A few months ago, the Pew Internet & American Life Project published the study “Teens, Video Games, and Civics”. This was the first survey that looked at whether teens’ video gaming had any effect on their civic … Dealing With Teen Video Game Obsession | My Favehangout - Dealing With Teen Video Game Obsession Games can be addictive - But obsession is something else. The following article is meant for parents of a teen … Study: Teen video game play closes digital divide | Gaming and … - Pew research also finds young video game players are just as civically or politically engaged as their non-playing peers. Read this blog post by Stefanie Olsen on Gaming and Culture. Spotlight on Teens…: Video Games are Here! - Video games have been added to the collection! At this moment we have Wii and Xbox games available. PS2 games are being processed and will be added soon. Games available: Wii Call of Duty 4. Madden NFL 09-All Play NBA Live 09-All Play …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: age limits on games, parental involvement, teens video games, video games, video games skills

Splashlife Reaching Teens - And So Much More

 

If there was ever an up and coming site to tell you about - Splashlife is it.

The site hasn’t even launched yet and it’s already making waves.

Even Whoopi Goldberg is talking about it. She mentioned Splashlife on a March episode of The View, encouraging everyone to go over to the site and see what they’re doing.

So what is Splashlife?

In a nutsell: It’s an “AARP for young people.”

Founded by a woman named Melissa Helmbrecht Martin, Splashlife is meant to reach out to teenagers and young adults for anything they may need - for FREE.  Be it financial hardship, employment, or health concerns - Splashlife will offer young people everything the AARP offers retirees - and more.

Splashlife will launch in September ‘09 - so we still have a ways to go before we can tap into this dynamic resource. 

But this site will certainly be one to watch in ‘09.

I am excited about it - I think teens and parents will be too.

From around the ’sphere:    Youthful Non-Profits - Splashlife to Become AARP for Young Americans - Splashlife to Become AARP for Young Americans : Devoted to empowering young people to take action for social change, Splashlife is a fresh non-profit aspiring t. SplashLife on the View | Red Clay Media - Direct Marketing Blog - More effective direct marketing strategies, tactics and services through marketing analytics, better lead generation practices & Response Modeling Techniques and products. Young people come together to help each other at “www.splashlife … - Later this year Splashlife will launch, aiming to be an “AARP for young people.” I spoke with Melissa Helmbrecht Martin, Chairman and CEO, earlier today about the organization.When Melissa was 15, she was failing classes and was … Splashlife CEO Discusses Coping with Adversity through National … - Melissa Helmbrecht Martin, Chairman and CEO of Splashlife. Later this year Splashlife will launch, aiming to be an “AARP for young people.” I spoke with Melissa Helmbrecht Martin, Chairman and CEO, earlier today about the organization. …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: AARP, splashlife, teen resource, young people

Mixed News Surrounding An Online Child Safety Bill

Good news and bad news from the state of Maryland.

First, the good news.

The Maryland Senate has given preliminary approval to legislation that would help parents restrict children’s access to certain Internet sites.

Sen. Nancy King, D-Montgomery, is sponsoring the bill that would give parents a tool to help keep kids away from predators and inappropriate websites.

Now, the bad news.

This online child safety bill would allow Internet service providers to charge a fee for households that opt to use the new parental control features.

The measure also removes a provision that would have required the Maryland State Department of Education to develop guidelines for instruction on Internet safety.

Let’s see - charging people who choose to protect their children from Internet predators is NOT a good thing.

Neither is removing a special Internet safety curriculum from Maryland public schools.

Talk about taking one step forward - then two steps back. 

Sheesh!

From around the ’sphere:   US Supreme Court Kills Child Online Protection Act - The federal government appealed that ruling and petitioned the Supreme Court to rehear the case, arguing that 50 percent of households in the US where children could access the Internet lacked filtering software or other technology to … Is The Internet Censored? - Australians are forbidden from seeing online any material which could be inappropriate for children, which includes any material classified RC or X by the Classification Board. Such content includes material containing detailed … What’s More Dangerous: The Internet or Drunk Drivers? - Perception of Internet danger has been heightened thanks to the TV show “To Catch a Predator” and inaccurate reports such as “one in five children have been sexually solicited by a predator.” That statistic is a misquote from a 2000 … €55 million budget for New Safer Internet in Europe - BuildaSkill.com - Foster self-regulatory initiatives in this field and stimulate the involvement of children in creating a safer online environment. * Establish a knowledge base on the use of new technologies and related risks by bringing together …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: child safety, Internet Safety, Online Safety, protecting children

Teenage Dating Violence - Massachusetts Fails Miserably

Okay, I’m just going to say it.

Massachusetts officials should be ashamed of themselves.

A national survey, conducted by an advocacy group called Break the Cycle, gives the Bay State a poor grade for responding to teen dating violence.

California, New Hampshire, and a handful of other states, on the other hand, received an ‘A’.

Massachusetts - the very state where I live - received a ‘D’.

Disgraceful.

These grades were based on comparisons between the legal treatment of adult victims of domestic violence and teen victims of dating violence.

One in three kids experiences dating abuse at some point during their teen years. These incident range from a slap on the cheek to homicide. This is serious stuff - yet far too many states, including Massachusetts, do not take dating violence seriously.

Parents - if your son or daughter comes home from a date with a black eye or bloody lip - call the police.  Episodes similar to the Rihanna-Chris Brown fight must be addressed immediately and be treated with the same seriousness as adult domestic violence.

So how did the rest of the nation stack up in the survey?

Here are the grades according to Break the Cycle.

Read it and weep.

A: California, Illinois, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Oklahoma. 

B: Arkansas, Florida, Indiana, Louisiana, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin. 

C: Alaska, Delaware, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Vermont, West Virginia, Wyoming. 

D: Colorado, Connecticut, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oregon. 

F: Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Kentucky, Missouri, North Carolina, Ohio, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Virginia.

From around the ’sphere:   Few states rate well on teen dating violence, study finds - The … - LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) — Only a few states have laws that adequately equip teenage victims of dating violence with the tools they need for protection and safety, according to a new report by a watchdog group. … TEEN Dating Abuse & Violence - aPARENTly Speaking - From diapers … - Tatiana Colon, Chair of the Alameda Task Force on Teen Dating Violence (Contra Costa It starts in a haze of happiness: A new guy, a new love, sweet affection and blinding jealousy. What happens next can range from tears and misery to … Break the Cycle Releases ‘2009 State-By-State Teen Dating Violence … - Health,…Nearly Half of States Fail to Make a Passing Grade in Protecting Victi… …LOS ANGELES March 24 — Break t… …,Break,the,Cycle,Releases,’2009,State-By-State,Teen,Dating,Violence,Report,Card’,medicine,medical news today … Love is respect - National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline » Blog … - Martina McBride Teams Up with loveisrespect National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline Against Teen Dating Violence. March 24th, 2009. mytimetoshine_logo-07 Martina McBride and loveisrespect, National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline have partnered …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: dating violence, domestic violence, rihanna chris brown, teenage dating violence

Guest Post: Teens and Tracking Their Online Activity

by Sarah Newton - New Thinking for a New Generation; Connect, Engage and Mobilize Today’s Youth

Spying on your teenagers online.  

OK, I’ve been quiet about this too long and I can be silenced no more. I understand that parents are concerned and love their children but really, tracking all they are doing on the Internet? Is that really necessary?

As Norton launched it’s online family software that, “…tracks where you kids are going on the Internet. You can track what they are doing, what instant messages they are sending and what websites they hit…” I am getting more and more frustrated with this spy culture that we have online.

OK, let me explain it another way, imagine you are sitting down with a friend for coffee and they start to tell you that they follow their teenagers to school just to check they are safe, that they listen in their phone calls on the other line, that they have a hidden camera in the bedroom and turn it on when the boyfriend comes round or worse still, they nearly got caught peeking through the window of their friend’s house when they went to sleep over. Wouldn’t you sit there thinking, Gosh, this women is loopy? Worse still, imagine it was your husband doing this to you, would  you call him obsessive? Wouldn’t this verge on controlling, abusive behavior? So what makes it OK for us to track every move our child makes on the computer?

I know I have probably upset some of you, but before you leave me a comment, heed this. After 7 years as a police officer in London, I can tell you that the surest way to ensure your child is safe is to communicate with them. And here is the clincher; if you spy on them and break down the trust you have with them, they are less likely to communicate with you, so your spying is counter productive.

Spying can never ever be  a substitute for a trusting conversation that you can have with your child about concerns you have. Just think of how much  respect and trust you show if you let them know that you will never put spyware on their computer, because you trust them to make the right decision and choices on-line, and then have a conversation with them about safety and what could go wrong, what they would do and how they would handle it.

And the real problem, in my mind, is what happens if you find something you don’t like. Recently, I had a parent on the phone explaining how she had been reading the chatlogs on her daughter’s computer and had found some reference to a sexual act. What should she do now? She was more worried now then she had been before. Firstly, she had read the message out of context so could never know the real meaning and secondly, she was too frightened to speak with her child about it because then her child would know she had been reading her stuff! So, one more worried parent who was in a Catch 22 situation. What a horrid position to be in!

Then there was another parent who confronted her child because she had read the messages on her daughter’s computer that said “dm me”, direct message me to the like of me and you. A big fight ensued and the daughter moved in with her Dad and will not speak with her mum about it.

How can breaking trust and respect in the relationship with your child ever be worth it? I have a saying that I live by and have my clients live by and that is, is what I am about to do going to move me closer to of further away from my child? If it is further away from, then don’t do it! How can spying ever move you closer to them?

Now I am not saying that there are not risks, but please get it into context, they are tiny. The risk of harming your relationship is far greater then the risk of something happening to your teenager on-line. Plus it gives a very clear message to your child that you don’t think they can handle problems well without adult supervision.

Saying this, Norton Family does have a great safe search feature and allows parents to block certain sites, which I think is a great idea. As a parent you have the responsibility to ensure your child is looking at age-appropriate material.

So, how do you balance trust and the need for supervision?

Firstly, I think you have to ask why you need to supervise. Is it because you feel that you should know their every movement? Do you worry about them unnecessarily? We must understand that teenagers will experiment, will make mistakes and will mess up; it is an important part of growing up and as parents we must learn to deal with our own feelings and emotions around that and not stop them doing things because we feel uncomfortable about it. Our dominant feelings may be stopping and inhibiting their normal development.

I think that first, when you approach your child, you must always come from a place of trust. Let them know that you just need to know they are safe, ask how this can be worked out. Not, “ I don’t trust you and I need to know what you are doing every minute!” Allow them the reins while also putting a container around their behavior.

So for example, give them free reign of the computer but let them know occasionally you will check their browser history (if they delete browser history, tell them they cannot use the computer for a week). This is far more trusting than installing spyware that your teenager will most likely be able to figure their way around anyway. 

Encourage openness and honesty in the house and when your child does abuse your trust don’t punish them, just let them know that this is a trust issue and let them know that the consequences of breaking your trust is that next time the reins will not be as long; their job is to earn that trust back.

If you really are considering spying on your child, then first ask yourself how you would feel if it was done to you. Yes, you are a parent and yes, you have responsibility for them but not at the expense of their personal space and the respect we all deserve as humans.

Sarah Newton is an author, Gen Y expert, and contributing writer at Teen Checkup.

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From around the ’sphere: EFFECTIVE: Talk with kids about online world - To my surprise, they both agreed that it’s more effective for parents to talk to teenagers than to spy on them. “Talk with your kids about Internet use, just like you would talk to them about drinking, drugs, sex or anything else,” … Skip spying, try talking - SantaFeNewMexican.com - But is a talking-to from mom enough to protect teens online? I sought opinions from Dr. Herbert Mandell, a psychiatrist and medical director of KidsPeace, a 126-year-old national children’s crisis organization, and also from North … Should parents spy on teens? - Living - The Olympian - Olympia … - A report this month that MySpace removed 90000 sex offenders from its Web site had me wondering: Maybe all of those moms who spy on their kids online are doing the right thing. Advertisement. Yeah, that’s right. Moms are spying. …

This post was written by: Erin

Tags: norton family, online spying, spying on your teenagers, teenagers trust, tracking teens